My husband & I have been happily married for 9 years and enjoy spending time with each other. But he’s not much of a social person. He doesn’t like to do any activity involving other people. He’s been that way ever since I’ve known him so I’m okay with that except when it comes to family. It bothers me that he never spends time with family- his or mine. I live close to my family but he’ll never go visit and they’re not welcome in our home. If I want to invite them he always complains and threatens to leave the house. This always causes an argument so I end up never inviting family or friends over. I invited 2 cousins over to watch the Superbowl this year. When I got home from church he hid the projector so we couldn’t watch TV. My cousins already had plans & couldn’t come. I told him but he still wouldn’t speak to me all day.
We’ve been in our home almost 4 years and I can think of maybe 2 occasions where I’ve had family/friends over. He goes in the bedroom and will not come out until they’re gone. He calls or texts me constantly asking when they’re leaving. For holidays, I always go visit them alone and have to hear the endless “Where’s DH?” “What is DH doing? Why didn’t he come?” It’s very upsetting and stressful for me so I don’t visit them as I often as I should. Maybe just a 2-3 times a year and they live 15 minutes away.
Last weekend my great aunt died, the last of 13 siblings. A lot of family from other states will be coming to the funeral. My husband & I have the largest home of my local relatives and I want to open our home up for whoever needs a place to stay. I told him this and was met with the usual resistance. He asked why they can’t stay in a hotel! This is Very upsetting for me. I already have to deal with my aunt’s death (she was like my 3rd grandmother). I don’t want to deal with his insensitivity or harassment about having people over. But I don’t want family stay in hotel unless they just want to. I don’t know how many are coming but we have enough relatives to fill up everyone’s home, not just mine. Is there anything I can do to get him to be okay with this? Or at least not cause any extra stress?
What kills me is the 1 or 2 times we’ve ever had overnight guests were from his friends and I never gave him any lip about it.
|
||||
My Husband Doesn’t Want Family Or Friends Invited To Our Home Ever. What Can I Do?12 comments to My Husband Doesn’t Want Family Or Friends Invited To Our Home Ever. What Can I Do?Leave a Reply |
||||
|
Copyright © 2012 Hotels Last Minute Deals - All Rights Reserved |
||||
I know that you say that you and your husband have a very loving relationship. I know that you don’t want for this issue to come between the two of you, but it is since you are feeling as though you have to choose between your marriage and your family. I am a very strong believer in family. You should maintain your relationship with your family, even if that means you are visiting their homes alone. When they ask, just explain that DH does not like to go places and that it has nothing to do with them. If you just tell them straight out, they’ll eventually quit asking and just be thankful that you’re there. At some point you will grow resentful of because your husband has “kept” you from visiting your family. And you can go back and rewrite history.
As far as inviting people to your home. It is your home as much as his. Let him know in advance that you’ll be having guests. If he wants to spend the evening in the bedroom watching television, then let him and don’t give him a hard time about it. As far as having visitors for the funeral, just tell him that they’re coming. Plain and simple.
Just tell your husband that this is important to you and that you don’t want for this to damage your marriage. Tell him that you aren’t going to be expecting him to go to every family event, but that you feel as though he should accompany you to a couple a year. Maybe you two could drive sepate vehicles so he can leave when he gets ready and you can stay.
I think this is simply how your husband is – you either accept it or you divorce him. The choice is yours.
U need to get rid of him. He is controlling. I cant believe u have been with him for this long.
you should tell him that he should make some sacrifices to make you happy
The idea that he hid the projector should tell you that he is pretty controlling. I would divorce this guy. Its one thing not to be social, its another to hide the projector. Invite them over, and if he hides, he looks bad. He is controlling you by how he acts. I didn’t care for my mother in law, but I went to her house. I didn’t socialize with them as much as she’d want us to, but that is how she wanted to control me. There needs to be some rules, of course, they can’t be over all the time, but this isn’t even close! He should not forbid them from visiting and hiding. Its wrong of you to put up with this. If he wont compromise on this, you should end this marriage.
What the $%#& ?
Why are you still married to that lousy, no-good, anti-social control-freak?
You say you are ”happily married.” Sorry, but it sure doesn’t sound like it from what you wrote.
Tell him he needs to see a counselor or you will see an attorney.
His lack of sympathy over the loss of your aunt shows his true colors. If my dad had ever acted like that, my mom would have kicked his butt and made HIM go stay in a hotel.
Good luck.
You say you are happily married but I haven’t heard one thing in this whole story where you seem happy.
I understand people who don’t like to be around too many people. They just aren’t comfortable with it. This is more anti social. He seems to be alienating you from your family. This is a form of abuse.
The fact that he isn’t willing to be there for you during this emotional time says alot about how he really feels about you. It is your house too and this is a time where family comes together, you should feel comfortable having family near you.
I don’t see any change in the future with this man. I know because I was in a similar relationship. They won’t change. It is up to you to decide if you want to continue to live this way or do you think your self worth is more important to put up with this. I wish you well.
btw: I am so sorry for the loss of your great aunt. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Take care.
You’re so beatiful and I don’t know what’s wrong with him. I don’t even know what to say? But for me, I would do it anyway and he will just have to deal with it. If he hides in the bedroom I’ll tell my brother to go get him out for conversation, he has to lighten up a bit. But you need to take charge and tell him that there are things about you that he just has to accept and one of them is having family over. My sister’s husband is the same way actually…. he has never once come to visit our family with my sister after 4 years of marriage. He doesnt want anyone over his house either…..but that is also my sisters home and she welcomes us anyway…..we go there because of her and my brother somehow usually gets him to come out and go hang out with him….. I hope things work out and I am sorry for your loss. Hun you have to break the ice sometime…. or you both will be very lonely without family..
Your husband seems to have some sort of social phobia. It is unlikely to get better without counseling. However, he probably feels no particular motivation to get treatment for a condition that can be kept at bay simply by not having guests.
Maybe it would help you to think of things that way, and even tell others. “Sorry we can’t let you stay at our house – my husband has a phobia.” Don’t say it with meanness, say it with sadness and regret.
You accepted this type of man in your life, therefore you need to take responsibility for your choice. You have placed yourself in this position in the eyes of your family and friends, do not blame your husband. The person who is the co-dependent (allows) of an ill act is just as guilty as the one committing it.
I do not understand why the big house. You guys should live in a small apartment, but any way, I believe your husband has major psychological issues he needs to address as soon as possible.
Being anti social is a two edge sword. It would greatly scare me to live with such person. Seek help for him and you. You both need it greatly.
If this issue about taking in your family in your home is going to cause major problems with your husband, then go with the truth and tell your family you are having marital issues (you do not have to be specific) and they will need to go to a hotel. If they love you enough, they will understand, after all they will leave home to their happy lives after the funeral and you will be the one staying with the hell.
Your first commitment is to your marriage, try to solve it first and then deal with the family. Good luck
You are missing a very important point here…
It’s YOUR home, too.
Ignore him….do not let his absurd behavior control you……invite people over and read him the riot act BEFORE they come over…if his choice is to disappear into another room or leave, fine…IGNORE phone calls & text messages from him as he is being rude & rudeness is never acceptable…..stop making excuses to your family when they ask ‘where’s…….?’….tell them he refuses to leave the home to visit and they can always call him to find out why…
He plays ‘silent treatment?’…PLAY IT BACK! He behaves badly you do NOT SPEAK TO HIM….he threatens to leave? “Fine, You know where the door is’…and turn away from him. Constant texting within the home? Turn off the phones he’s using.
He’s getting away with it….and you IGNORE IT-THAT is how you avoid the stress….
he’s acting like a big baby and his stunts are temper tantrums….tell him unless he can give you one acceptable reason for this self imposed isolation, HE can play Mr. Hermit however he has NO RIGHT to expect YOU TO. And STOP LETTING HIM CONTROL YOU!
You picked him so deal with it. He does not sound controlling. He sounds more like a jerk but if he is nice to you, then he is YOUR nice jerk so don’t ruin it.
You said, “My husband & I have been happily married for 9 years and enjoy spending time with each other. But he’s not much of a social person.” There’s no need to end a good marriage over his personality flaw. I’m sure you have yours too. Just let your family stay at a hotel.