How About These Jokes? ?

Ammo Sell Out
All of the Wal-Marts across Alabama sold out of ammunition as of yesterday.
A reliable source said that one of the purchasers commented that while Russia may have invaded Georgia , they sure as heck ain’t doin’ it to Alabama .
Redneck Children
“You’ve just had your twelfth baby miss.
What are you going to name this one?”
“Phil.

“But you named the last eleven Phil.

“Yeah its great. I say Phil go clean the room, they all go clean their room. I say Phil come for dinner, they all come for dinner.

“But what if you only want one of them?”
“Oh! Then I call them by their last name.

Question
If a man says something in the woods and a woman does not hear him, is he still wrong?
The Dog
A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dog along for company. One day the dog starts chasing butterflies and before long he discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.
The dog thinks, “Boyo, I’m in deep doo doo now.” (He was an Irish setter)…. Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dog exclaims loudly, “Man, that was one delicious leopard.
I wonder if there are any more around here?”
Hearing this the leopard halts his attack in mid stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. “Whew”, says the leopard. “That was close. That dog nearly had me.

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dog saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The cat is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here monkey, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine.

Now the dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, “What am I going to do now?” But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers pretending he hasn’t seen them yet.
And just when they get close enough to hear, the dog says,
“Where’s that monkey. I just can never trust him.
I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard, and he’s still not back!!”
Forgetful Wife
After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip.
When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table and she didn’t miss them until they had been driving about twenty minutes.
By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around — in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.
All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man.
He fussed and complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her — the more agitated he became. He just wouldn’t let up one minute.
To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant.
As the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her
“While you’re in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card.

The Old Couple
A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.
She said, ‘For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.

The wife answered, ‘Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.

The fairy waved her magic wand and poof! 2 tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment: ‘Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.

The wife, and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof! The husband became 92 years old.
The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful jerks should remember fairies are female!
The E-Mail
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules.
So, the husband left Mi

Please Help. Getting Mixed Signals From A Guy I’m Really Interested In!?

SORRY THIS IS REALLLLLLY LONG
I met this guy at a bar playing pool. He seemed really nice and we talked all night. He came over to my place and we were just watching movies with my friend and my room mate. He left around 5 in the morning because he had work at 8 and had to catch the first bart train back to his house. He only lives a 15 minute bart train ride away. So the next day he was gonna go to lake tahoe with friends and he said he had a really nice time and that he’d call me when he got back. So a few days went by and my friends kept urging me to text him to ask him out. So finally I did and he replied saying that he would be in the city around 9 and hed call me. So he texted me the next day asking me if I wanted to go to this dance club with him his school was throwing in the city. So I agreed because it sounded fun, and it’s the first guy I’ve been interested in in so long ha. So we met up and I arrived and we had a such a fun time, we kissed, and fooled around he paid for the cab ride home and I invited him in. We fooled around but no sex. I feel really bad because I felt like I was being such a tease but I just didn’t want to come off as a ho. Anyway the whole night he was complimenting me, and the next morning he had wok at 8 in the morning again so he left early. And texted me three times that day after he left. So the third time we hung out I met his dad and dad’s girlfriend that came up from hunnington beach. It was really weird because I told him I was in his town and he invited me to this bike store where his dad was buying him a racing bike. His dad and dad’s girlfriend were really nice it was just a little uncomfortable because I barely knew their son.. He invited me to dinner and this bar in the city later that night with his family and two of his friends. I didnt go to the dinner because I freaked out a little since I didnt know these people that well yet, I didnt want to make a fool out of myself. So he texted me that they were done with dinner and heading out to the bar. I met them and he paid for my drinks at this really nice bar and was holding my hand under the table, the booths were really small and intimate. And then his parents went back to their hotel to sleep and the rest of us went to another bar by my house. Afterwards he came over to my house and we fooled around again but I still didn’t give up sex because we were quite intoxicated. The next morning he didnt seem to mind he was cuddling with me all morning and kissing my head in my sleep. Then he invited me out to have breakfast with his parents before they leave. Their hotel was only 5 blocks from my house. I accepted and we hung out the whole day, even after his parents left. When he left he gave me a kiss and texted me that night with “i had a really good time, have a nice night!” That was the last time we hung out which was a week ago. After that I would text him in between and sometimes would get a text back from him hours after I sent it or no reply at all. This is where the mixed signals come in. I also invited him out to an event this weekend and he said he couldnt make it because he just realized how behind he was in his school work since last weekend. I said that’s okay, next time. and then he texted me with “i have a little gift for u”. He works at a perservatory in his college. so he has to deal with a lot of old artifacts, etc. and when I asked him about the gift he said “150 bc mummy dust and some fragmented scrolls”. It threw me off so I replied with “that sounds great! I have a book for you to read” now that I think back on it I feel so SILLY for saying that because I just realized he was joking.. Anyway, what I really want to know is if this guy is still interested in me or not? I am usually the one initiating the conversation through text from now on. This guy seems like a good catch, I really like his personality I just don’t know how to pursue him or if I even should? I am not used to pursuing anybody. I like this guy because he keeps me on my toes unlike anyone I’ve ever met, and he’s quite a gentleman, and we’ve only hung out 4 times! what should I do in this situation? and yes I am an over analyzer. ha.

Has Anyone Red This? Leaks In Mccains Cone Of Silence!?

I must admit that listening to McCain answer Pastor Rick Warren’s questions so quickly and glibly last night at the Saddleback Faith Forum made me wonder if he somehow knew them in advance. He was so confident, so concise. But I put the thought aside as unduly paranoid — that is until a few minutes ago. I was routinely checking my favorite election website fivethirtyeight.com and the webmaster, Nate Silver, referred to a piece in Daily Kos about the whereabouts of John McCain for the first thirty minutes of Senator Obama’s interview with Rick Warren. Was he in a cone of silence? Perhaps not.
Daily Kos blogger Furiousxxgeorge wrote at 3:27 pm Pacific time the following blog: Pastor Warren, the host of last night’s forum was just on CNN. In an interview with Rick Sanchez the pastor admitted McCain was not even at the Church for the first half hour of the event. This admission comes as a surprise to those of us who watched the event and were told many times that McCain was at the Church and in isolation.
CNN says they talked to McCain’s camp and they said no one in his camp was listening. The honor system, are you kidding me?
I think it is pretty clear at this point McCain did indeed know the questions in advance.
If someone can get a video or transcript please post.
Is this a big deal or not? It seems like someone ought to ask both McCain and Warren what really happened. The “truthiness” of this Forum is at stake.
Update: Pastor Warren states that McCain told him he did not “hear” the questions. He was in a motorcade from his hotel to the church, arriving about 30 minutes into the Obama interview hour. McCain did not say whether anyone else on his staff “heard” the questions, however. http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2008/08/17/warren-mccain-did-not-violate-cone-of-silence/
John McCain
Barack Obama
I must admit that listening to McCain answer Pastor Rick Warren’s questions so quickly and glibly last night at the Saddleback Faith Forum made me wonder if he somehow knew them in advance. He was so…
I must admit that listening to McCain answer Pastor Rick Warren’s questions so quickly and glibly last night at the Saddleback Faith Forum made me wonder if he somehow knew them in advance. He was so…
More in Politics…

Am I Overreacting In This Situation?

Readers Digest Version:
Dated a girl for 1.5 years. We broke up and she had to deal with a lot of drama from her family because they really liked me. During this time a new guy swooped in and was trying to steal her away from me while she was still trying to find out if she still loved me. She has gone back and forth for the last month trying to figure out what she wants, she hangs out with me and with this guy and I know they have at least kissed and slept in the same bed (no sex – I know she isn’t that type of girl just cuddling) After going through a roller coaster of emotions for the last month, feeling like I am winning her back and then the next minute feeling like I am losing her. She is starting to realize the relationship we had was great and wants to start it back up but she doesn’t want to hurt this other guy because he got way to attached way to early. Long story short, she is wanting to get back into a relationship with me. This other guy is trying to get her to take a weekend trip with him to Mall of America so that they can both get away from all the drama that has been surrounding this situation. She isn’t sure if she wanted to go on a short vacation like that with him at this time but she was enticed by the idea of getting away from the drama. Here’s the problem:
I told her, that I wouldn’t allow myself to continue to get hurt in this situation and told her if she went on that trip, we would have to cut ties as long as I needed to finally get over her for good.
This upsets her because she sees him just as a friend now and wants to maybe take the chance to get away from all the drama and doesn’t understand why I am overreacting. She feels like I am trying to keep her away from doing things with friends.
My point of View: He can’t be just a friend to her anymore, now that his feelings toward her are known and there brief history together, they can never be just friends. Even if she see him just as a friend, his feelings toward her will always be present when they hang out together.
So what do you think? Am I overreacting? Should I allow the woman I love to go on this trip with a “Friend” and stay in the same hotel room?

Does He Want More Then Just Be Friends?

Ok, sorry but this is gonna be long, I’ll tell you practically the entire story so that way you’ll be able to understand more…I’d like to know what you guys think about it!
Last may I met a guy at the bar and we spend the night playing pool at the end of the night we left our seperate ways. I saw him again at the bar in july, I remembered nothing about him but he remembered my name and even what I was wearing that night in may. Anyways, that night we left together and the rest of the night was just awesome. 2 days later he came to the restaurant I used to work so I gave him my number. The next night we hooked up again and when we woke up the next morning his pick-up truck was smashed…I mean really smashed, $4000 in damage. I thought for sure that that would put an end to whatever we had cause he was pretty sure that my bf had did it…Ya I know I had a bf and he also had a gf….Anyways after that I started working at an hotel and I only saw him after that in august…Turns out that the hotel I started working at is the hotel he stays at everytime he works in town, wich was 3 weeks a month. Well when we saw each other again in August we made a deal that we would be friends with benefits, I was fine with that cause we were both in relationships and he was fun…Well, everytime I was doing his room, I always had a note waiting for me, when I was working nights too every night when he was done work he was always coming to see me in whatever room I was in and he was always inviting me to go up his room once I was done work, even if it was just to have a smoke…Then we started texting, I mean really texting….often it happened that we would start texting at 9 in the morning and we would stop like at 8 at night, actually we’re still doing that. We also had a deal that we couldn’t text each other if we were not working in case we would get caught, he started texting me even when he was on days off when he was at home with gf…Then around october well he stopped going home on days off and he was staying in town, he was rigwatching instead of going home, he invited me often too to go to the rig, in october I realized I was falling for him. Even when he was working out of town he was taking the time to come and see me. In november I spend 2 days at the rig with him…In december at the bar one night it was girls gone wild so he had invited me, i went but me and bf got into huge fight so i left. That night I took a hotel room to get away from bf and I had called him to let him know that I was ok and 10 minutes later he was knocking on my hotel room, he left his friends at the bar and spend the night with me instead of watching girls gone wild. December was the month we hooked up the more. We both became single in the same week in december wich is weird, it just happened. Since the end of december he’s been working in AB and I live in BC so we don’t see each other that often anymore but we still text everyday and still mostly it’s all day long. He came to see me in February for 2 days and it was awesome, the second day we spend the day in bed just to cuddle…Next week he’s days off again and he’s coming to see me…Right now we are also making plans to go spend a weekend together in AB for may.
Since the beginning he told me that we would only be friends and nothing more…We are both single now and he tells me that he wants to stay single…I’m falling for him real bad and me and my friends believes that he’s interested but we think that it scares him.
It doesn’t make sense to us with everything he does that he only wants to be friends……texting me everyday, making plans to take me away on vacation and driving 3 hrs to just have sex when he could have sex easily in his town, it doesn’t makes sense at all!
Do you think he’s also interested or does he only wants to be friends with benefits?
Your opinion would be appreciated, it would help me decide what I should do, go for him or stop everything.
Thanks!

Landlord Breached Lease On Move In Day, Should I Allow Him To Help Me Or Will This Hurt Me If I Decide To Sue?

My landlord breached my lease on my move in day yesterday June 15th. I was given no notice and was sent an email Monday morning informally voiding the lease (formally being certified or registered).
He has a lawyer advising him and he’s already he knows I can sue him for breach especially since he gave me literally 0 days notice he’s been advised by his lawyer to help me as much as he can. Anyway last night he payed for my hotel and I imagine he will continue to do so until I find living.
He’s offered to move all my stuff for me into his storage unit 20 minutes away… should I accept this offer… would you? Or could this hurt me if I decide to sue him… is he trying to build his character here? He has a lawyer advising him on everystep now because he knows his lack of resonsibility put him legally on the block.
My case is going to be for the differential in my new 1 yr lease with my breached lease. I had a lease in place for 3 months 600 a month utilities included 2br 2bth condo. He was a business man leaving the state so he gave me the deal of a lifetime because he said at the time he didn’t want any loose ends.
After a reasonable search, I can’t even find a 1br place for under 850 + utilities the guy really did give me a good deal. 850 plus utilities is about 400 more a month I’ll be paying or about 4800 extra dollars I’ll be paying for this year due to the breached lease. Keep in mind this man gave me 0 days notice and no actual formal notice only an email sent on move in day. He had 3 months with this lease in place and waited until the last week to find out his mortgage company won’t allow him to make his primary residence a rental.
Should I allow him to help me in any respect? Will it hurt my case if I allow him to pay for my hotels for the week? Would you allow him to move your stuff into his storage area? Basically I’ll have a definitive answer from him if his mortgage company if they will allow it by today if so he said he would make me a new lease.
If he doesn’t get the answer I want naturally I’ll be suing him and I can see me getting my stuff out of his storage being a weird situation.
Does accepting help from the landlord prior to a law suit build his character in court?
I feel if there ever was a case where you could get the differential between a new lease and the breached lease this would be the definition. Landlord formally never even terminated lease certified mail, only a email sent on my move in day. He keep things open because he was optimistic his mortgage company would allow him to do this so it appears he was wrong. I feel I should not be resposible for the extra 5k I’m going to have to pay in my new 1 yr lease.. he should be responsible for breaching my lease on my move in day (he put to much trust in his mortgage company not telling me any of this until yesterday). If he even gave me like a week notice regarding the breach maybe he could be off the hook but this guy told me practically when I was on his door step with my belongings. I’ve been wronged bigtime so in this case some 1 months payout simply isn’t going to do anything especially since my lease was in place for 3 months with 1st and security paid and he waited until this week to find out from his mortgage company.
In a similar situation like this hypothetically speaking what would you advise?

Just Married & Wife Is Already Disgusted. I Counted Money Envelopes At The Reception. What Is Wrong With That?

I was married last Friday. A very high class ceremony with all the trimmings. Anyway, a long story short:
We did all the normal stuff – speeches, dinner, 1st dance…. However, I will admit, I did rush through greeting / thanking all the guests so I could grab the ‘gift box’ filled with all the money envelopes.
I finished the last table & told my wife I had to use the men’s room – instead a took the box to our room and counted all the money. It was eating me alive to see how much these people gave. No family of 4 at my wedding is giving $35 and getting away with it!!
About 90 minutes later my wife and some other concerned guests found me in the hotel room. I explained what I was doing but they were very angry. They even SWORE at me!!!
I really was not gone that long & don’t think it is that big of a deal. I wanted to make sure we made a profit on the wedding.
She is still fuming mad – states she was embarrassed. What is wrong so wrong with what I did?

What Do I Do Please Help Someone?

Ok so my family and i often have arguments but it got really nad earlier. My mom said she was hungry and we were going to go to a store and then eat because i wasnt hungry at all. Things changed though and eventually my mom wanted to go to a restaurant right away. I said they could go but i wasnt hungry and that i could take a takeout bag or eat later. She said that wasnt good enough and well she was yelling really loudly in target at me but i kept my voice down. Then we got in the car and everything got worse. It lasted around twenty minutes and i only yelled a few times but nothing was good enough. well i got really mad my mom keeps saying i have an earing disorder. and we are on vacation and my mom says i ruin everything so i said fine send me home. she said i could have gone sooner. later i said that im moving out as soon as we get home and she asked if i though she cared if i left and i said no and she told me to leave because i wasnt doing her any favors by staying. i said mean things but i was calm and really was trying. i just didnt want to eat right there because i was nauseous and full. she kept yelling at me and insulting my appearance. My mom was yelling at my dad that the only thing that would work would be to shake me and was yelling loudly to take me outside and shake me. My dad didnt cause he said he didnt want to be arrested on our vacation. Later things got worse too. I tried talking but my mom yelled at the top of her lungs shut up at me. She said i was awful. I was saying id go to any restaurant she wanted and eat the meal. It was six thirty then and we usually eat at nine to ten. She yelled at me and then she started crying and went up to the hotel and yelled at us to leave. Now i am outside an applebees and then we are going to see my mom. I am on an ipod. I am so scared of my mom but i dont know how to deal with her. I want to stay in the car when my dad goes to the hotel but im not sure if that will work out. I am going to post this outside the hotel but im not sure if i will have to go up im afraid she will get violent. I might not have time to read the answers in time but i hope i will if i get any, im 16 and i just want to know what to do, if i will have to go up to her to fix this or any advice on what to say to her. I also said some mean things but i wasnt insulting her. Thank you

Is Anyone Familiar With Konstantin Stanislavski???

Can anyone take notes on this:
BUILDING A CHARACTER
Constantin Stanislavski
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Toward an Ethics for the Theatre
I
“THE TIME has now come to speak of one more element,” Tortsov began today, “contributing to a creative dramatic state. It is produced by the atmosphere surrounding an actor on the stage and by the atmosphere in the auditorium. We call it ethics, discipline, and also the sense of joint enterprise in our theatre work.
“All these things taken together create an artistic animation, an attitude of readiness to work together. It is a state which is favorable to creativeness. I do not know how else to describe it.
“It is not the creative state itself but it is one of the main factors contributing to it. It prepares and facilitates that state.
“I shall call it ethics in the theatre because it plays an important part in preparing us in advance for our work. Both the factor itself and what it produces in us and for us are significant because of the peculiarities of our profession.
“A writer, a composer, a painter, a sculptor are not pressed for time. They can work when and where they find it convenient to do so. They have the free disposal of their time.
“This is not the case with an actor. He has to be ready to produce at a fixed hour as advertised. How can he order himself to be inspired at a given time? It is far from simple.
“He needs order, discipline, a code of ethics not only for the general circumstances of his work, but also and especially for his artistic and creative purposes.
“The first condition towards the bringing about of this preliminary state is to follow the principle I have aimed at: Love art in yourself and not yourself in art.
“The career of an actor,” Tortsov went on, “is a splendid one for those who are devoted to it and understand and see it in the true light.”
“What if an actor does not do this ?“ one of the students asked.
“That is unfortunate because it will cripple him as a human being. Unless the theatre can ennoble you, make you a better person, you should flee from it,” Tortsov replied.
“Why?” we asked in chorus.
“Because there are a lot of bacilli in the theatre, some are good and some are extremely harmful. The good bacilli will further the growth in you of a passion for what is fine, elevating, for great thoughts and feelings. They will help you to commune with the great geniuses such as Shakespeare, Pushkin, Gogol, Moliere. Their creations and traditions live in us. In the theatre you will also meet modern writers and representatives of all branches of art, science, of social science, of poetic thought.
“This select company will teach you to understand art and the essential meaning at its core. That is the principal thing about art, therein lies its greatest fascination.”
“Exactly in what?” I asked.
“In coming to know, in working on, studying your art, its bases, methods and technique of creativeness,” explained Tortsov.
“Also in the torments and joys of creation, which we all feel as a group.
“And in the joys of accomplishment, which renew the spirit and lend it wings!
“Even in the doubts and failures, for in them also lies a stimulus to new struggles, strength for new work and fresh discoveries.
“There is too an esthetic satisfaction which is never altogether complete and it provokes and arouses new energy.
“How much of life there is in all this!”
“What about success ?“ I enquired rather shyly.
“Success is transient, evanescent,” answered Tortsov. “The real passion lies in the poignant acquisition of knowledge about all the shadings and subtleties of the creative secrets.
“Meantime do not forget the bad, the dangerous, corrupting bacilli of the theatre. It is not surprising that they thrive there; there are too many temptations in our theatre world.
“An actor is on view every day before an audience of a thousand spectators from such and such an hour to such and such an hour. He is surrounded by the magnificent trappings of a production, set against the effective background of painted scenery, dressed often in rich and beautiful clothes. He speaks the soaring lines of geniuses, he makes picturesque gestures, graceful motions, produces impressions of startling beauty—which in large measure are brought about by artful means. Always being in the public eye, displaying his or her best aspects, receiving ovations, accepting extravagant praise, reading glowing criticisms—all these things and many more of the same order constitute immeasurable temptations.
“These breed in an actor the sense of craving for constant, uninterrupted titillation of his personal vanity. But if he lives only on that and similar stimuli he is bound to sink low and become trivial. A serious minded person could not be entertained for long by such a life, yet a shallow one is enthralled, debauched, destroyed by it. That is why in our world of the theatre we must learn to hold ourselves well in check. We have to live by rigid discipline.
“If we keep our theatre free from all types of evil we, by the same token, bring about conditions favorable to our own work in it. Remember this practical piece of advice: Never come into the theatre with mud on your feet. Leave your dust and dirt outside. Check your little worries, squabbles, petty difficulties with your outside clothing—all the things that ruin your life and draw your attention away from your art.”
“Excuse me for pointing this out,” interrupted Grisha, “but no such theatre exists in the world.”
“Unfortunately you are right,” admitted Tortsov. “People are so stupid and spineless that they still prefer to introduce petty, humdrum bickerings, spites and intrigues into the place supposedly reserved for creative art.
“They do not seem to be able to clear their throats before they cross the threshold of the theatre, they come inside and spit on the clean floor. It is incomprehensible why they do this!
“It is all the more reason why you should be the ones to discover the right, the high minded significance of the theatre and its art. From the very first steps you take in its service train yourselves to come into the theatre with clean feet.
“Our illustrious forbears in acting have summed this attitude up in the following way:
“A true priest is aware of the presence of the altar during every moment that he is conducting a service. It is exactly the same way that a true artist should react to the stage all the time he is in the theatre. An actor who is incapable of this feeling will never be a
true artist!”
2
A great deal of discussion was caused in the theatre by a scandal in connection with one of the actors. He was severely reprimanded and warned that he would be dismissed if he repeated the intolerable offense.
Grisha had as usual a lot to say on the subject:
“I for one don’t think the management has any right to mix into an actor’s private life!”
Whereupon some of the others asked Tortsov to explain his point of view to us.
“Does it not seem irrational to you to tear down with one hand what you are trying to build up with the other? Yet many actors do that very thing. On the stage they make every effort to convey beautiful and artistic impressions and then, as soon as they step down from the boards, almost as though they had been intent on spoofing their spectators who a moment ago were admiring them, they do their best to disillusion them. I can never forget the bitter pain caused me in my youth by a famous visiting star. I shall not tell you his name because I do not want to dim his glory for you.
“I was present at an unforgettable performance. The impression he made on me was so tremendous I did not feel I could go home alone. I felt the necessity to discuss my experience with someone. So a friend and I went together to a restaurant. When we were in the midst of an excited conversation who should come in but our genius. We could not restrain ourselves, we rushed up to him and unloosed the floodgates of our enthusiasm. The great man invited us to join him at supper in a private room and there before our very eyes he proceeded to drink himself into a bestial state. Under the gloss was hidden such human corruption, such revolting boastfulness, deceit, gossip—all the attributes of a vulgar showoff. On top of that he refused to pay his bill for the wine he had consumed. It took us a long, long time to pay off this unexpected debt. And all the pleasure we got out of it was the privilege of conducting our belching and roaring host to his hotel where they were most unwilling to receive him in that disreputable drunken state.
“Mix together all the good and all the bad impressions which we received from that extraordinarily gifted man and try to determine what result you get.”
“Something like the hiccoughs you get from drinking champagne,” suggested Paul brightly.
“Well, mind you don’t have the same thing happen to you when you get to be famous actors,” said Tortsov.
“It is only when an actor is behind closed doors at home, in his most intimate circle, that he can let go. For his part is not played out when the curtain goes down. He is still bound in his everyday life to be the standard bearer of what is fine. Otherwise he will only destroy what he is trying to build. Remember this from the very beginning of your term of service to art and prepare yourselves for this mission. Develop in yourselves the necessary self- control, the ethics and discipline of a public servant destined to carry out into the world a message that is fine, elevating and noble.
“An actor, by the very nature of the art he serves, becomes a member of a large and complex organization—the theatre. Under its emblem and hallmark he represents it daily to thousands
nf spectators. Millions read daily in the papers about his work and activity in the institution of which he is a part. His name is so closely bound up with that of his theatre that it is scarcely possible to distinguish between them. Next to his family name that of this theatre belongs to him. In the mind of the public his artistic and his personal life are inextricably linked together. Therefore if an actor from the Art Theatre, the Maly, or another, commits a reprehensible act, any crime, is involved in any scandal, no matter what alibi he may offer, no matter what denial or explanation may be printed in the papers, he will be unable to wipe away the stain, the shadow, he has laid on his whole company, his theatre. This, therefore, obligates an actor to conduct himself worthily outside the walls of his theatre and to protect his good name both
on the boards and in his private life.”
3
“One of the measures calculated to insure order and a healthy atmosphere in the theatre is to reinforce the authority of the people, who for one reason or another, have been put in charge of the work.
“Before they are chosen and appointed you may argue, wrangle, and protest against one candidacy or another but once that person has been elected to a post of leadership or management it is up to you to support him in every possible way. That is only fair from the point of view of the common good. And the weaker he is the more you should support him. For if he does not enjoy any authority the main motive force of the group will become paralyzed. What becomes of a collective if it is deprived of the leader who initiates, pushes, and directs the common work? We love to decry, discredit, humiliate those whom we have raised to high places, or if a gifted person climbs above us we are ready to use all our strength to beat him down and yell at him: How dare you presume to stand over us, you climber! How many talented and useful people have been destroyed that way. A few, in spite of all obstacles, have achieved general recognition and admiration.
But on the whole the brazen ones, who usually succeed in bossing us, have all the luck. And we growl to ourselves and stand it because we find it hard to arrive at any Unanimity and we are afraid to overthrow those who terrorize us.
“In theatres, with few exceptions, this is vividly exemplified. The struggle for priority among actors, regisseurs, jealousy of each other’s success, divisions caused by differences in salaries
types of parts—all this is strongly developed in our line of work and constitutes its greatest evil. We cloak our ambition, jealousy, intrigues with all kinds of fine sounding phrases such as ‘enlightened competition,’ but all the time the atmosphere is filled with the poison gases of backstage back-biting.
“Out of fear of all competition and because of its narrow-minded envy actors meet any newcomer in their midst with fixed bayonets. If he can stand the test he is lucky. Yet how many are terrified, lose all faith in themselves, and go under?
“How close to animal psychology all this is!
“Once when I was sitting on the balcony of a house in a small provincial town I had an opportunity to watch some dogs. They also have their own limits, lines of demarcation which they are keen to maintain. If an outsider dares to overstep a certain bound and he is met by the combined curs of that particular district.
he succeeds in giving a good account of himself he wins recognition in the end and is accepted in the district into which he had intruded. Or he turns tail and flees, wounded and maimed, from his own fellow creatures,
“And it is this very form of brute psychology which is rampant, alas, in all theatres with few exceptions, and which must be destroyed. It is in force not only among newcomers but also among the groups of old timers. I have heard two great actresses going for each other not only backstage but during performances and in terms that a fishwife would envy. I have been witness to the conduct of two famous and talented actors who refused to enter the stage through one and the same wing or door. I have been told about two celebrated stars, a man and a woman, who for years played opposite each other without being on speaking terms. During rehearsal they communicated with one another through a third person. He would say to the man directing the play: ‘Tell her that she is talking nonsense,’ and she would reply through the same channel: ‘Tell him that he is acting like a boor.’
“Why is it that such talented people are willing to destroy the and fine work which they themselves originally built up? For the sake of personal, trivial, petty insult and misunderstandings? “Such are the suicidal depths to which actors sink if they are not able to overcome in time their bad professional instincts. I hope this will be an example and vivid warning to you.”
4
“Let us suppose that one actor in a well and carefully prepared production, either through laziness, neglect or inattentiveness, departs so far from the true performance of his part as to act in a purely routine, mechanical way. Has he the right to do this? After all, he was not alone in producing the play, he is not solely responsible for the work put in it. In such an enterprise one works for all and all for one. There ‘must be mutual responsibility and whoever betrays that trust must be condemned as a traitor.
“In spite of my great admiration for individual splendid talents, I do not accept the star system. Collective creative effort is the root of our kind of art. That requires ensemble acting and whoever mars that ensemble is committing a crime not only against his comrades but also against the very art of which he is the servant.
5
Our class was to meet for a rehearsal in one of the greenrooms backstage where the regular actors of the theatre company met their friends. Afraid of disgracing ourselves before them we asked Rakhmanov to give us some advice about how to act there.
To our surprise the Director himself appeared. He said that he had been much touched to hear of our serious attitude toward the rehearsal.
“You will realize what you need to do and how you should conduct yourselves if you bear in mind that this is a collective enterprise,” he said to us. “You are all going to be producing together, you will all be helping one another, all be dependent on one another. You will all be directed by one person, your regisseur.
“If there is orderliness and proper distribution of work, your collective effort will be pleasant and productive because it is based on mutual help. But if there is chaos and a wrong atmosphere for work then your collective enterprise can become a torture chamber, you will be getting in each other’s way, pushing each other around. It is clear therefore that you must all agree to establish and support discipline.”
p “How do we support it?”
“First of all, you arrive at the theatre on time, a half hour or a quarter of an hour before the rehearsal is called, in order to go over the elements which are necessary to establish your inner state.
“If even one person is late it upsets all the others. And if all are late your working hours will be frittered away in waiting instead
-f being applied to your job. That makes an actor wild and puts him in a condition where he is incapable of work. But if on the contrary you all have the right attitude towards your collective responsibilities and come to your rehearsal with proper preparation you will create a splendid atmosphere which will challenge and encourage you. Your work will go along hummingly because you are all helping each other.
“It is also important that you take the right attitude towards the object of each individual rehearsal.
“The great mass of actors have quite a wrong idea about their attitude toward rehearsals. They believe that they need work only at rehearsals and that they can be idle at home.
“Whereas this is not the case at all. The rehearsal merely clarifies the problems that an actor needs to work on at home. That is one reason why I place no confidence in actors who chatter a lot at rehearsals and do not make notes on planning their home-work.
“They pretend that they can remember everything without notes. Nonsense! Do they think that I do not know that they cannot possibly remember everything because, in the first place, the regisseur mentions so many details both major and minor that no memory could retain them, and, in the second place, they are dealing for the most part not with definite facts but with feelings stored up in emotion memory. To understand, to comprehend and recall them, the actor must find the appropriate word, expression, example, some means of description with the aid of which he will be able to evoke, to fix the sensation under discussion.
“He will have to think about it at home before he will be able to find it again and call it forth from his inner being. That is a tremendous piece of work. It requires great concentration in his work both at home and also at rehearsal when the actor first receives the comments of the regisseur.
“We, the regisseurs, know better than anyone else what credence to give to the assertions of inattentive actors. We are the ones who are obliged to repeat the same things to them over and over again.
“That kind of an attitude on the part of certain individuals toward a joint piece of work acts as a great brake. Seven will not wait for one. Remember that. Therefore work out for yourselves the right kind of artistic ethics and discipline. This will force you to prepare yourselves properly at home in advance of each rehearsal. Let it be a source of shame and badge of disloyalty to you before your whole group if you are the cause of making the regisseur repeat something he has already explained. You have no right to forget the regisseur’s remarks. You may not comprehend them all at once, you may have to return to them in order to study them more thoroughly, but you may not merely take them in one ear and send them out of the other. That is a crime against all the other workers in the theatre.
“Therefore, in order to avoid that misdemeanor, you must teach yourself how to work independently at home on your part. This is no easy task but it is something you must learn how to do thoroughly and well while you are in training here. Here I can take all the time which may be necessary to go into the details of that work but at rehearsals I cannot come back to these things without running the risk of their being turned into lessons. Out on the stage the demands made on you will be far stricter than in the class room. Bear this in mind and prepare yourselves for it.”
6
“How does a singer, a pianist, a dancer, start his day ?“ Tortsov asked at the beginning of today’s class.
“He gets up, bathes, dresses, has breakfast and at a time appointed for this purpose he begins his exercises. The singer vocalizes, the pianist plays his scales, the dancer hurries to the theatre, to his practice bar in order to keep his muscles in trim. This is done day after day, winter and summer. A day omitted is a day lost and a detriment to the art of the performer.
“Tolstoy, Chekhov and other great artists considered it a necessity to sit down every day at a given hour to write, if not on a novel or short story or play, at least in a diary, to record thoughts and observations. The main point was day by day to cultivate the most delicate and precise ways of rendering all the subtle intricacies of human thoughts and feelings, visual observations and emotional impressions.
“Ask any artist and he will tell you the same thing.
“Nor is that all: I know a surgeon (and surgery is also an art), who devotes all his free time to playing with the most delicate kind of oriental jackstraws. After tea, while conversing with others, he cleverly fishes out some item underneath a complicated pile of little sticks just to keep his hand in.
“And it is only the actor who, when he has gotten up in the morning, dressed and breakfasted, hurries out into the street or calls on friends or does other personal errands, because that is his free time.
“That may well be. But the singer, the concert pianist, the dancer do not have any more time. They have rehearsals, lessons, performances too.
“Nevertheless it is always the excuse of the actor, who neglects his home-work on the technique of his art, that he has ‘no time.’
“What a pity! As I have said before, an actor, more than any other special artist, is in need of that work at home. Whereas a singer has to be concerned only with his voice and breathing, a dancer with his physical apparatus, and a pianist with his hands r an instrumentalist with his breathing and lip technique—an actor is responsible for his arms, his legs, his eyes, his face, the plasticity of his whole body, his rhythm, his motion and all the program of our activities here in the school. These exercises do not stop with graduation, they go on through your whole lives as artists. And the older you get the more necessary it will be for you to point up your technique and consequently to maintain a system of regular work-outs.
“But since the actor has ‘no time’ for such practice his art at best will mark time or at worst run down hill because it consists of only an accidental technique drawn by necessity from unthinking, false, untrue, mechanical rehearsing or badly prepared public appearances.
“And yet an actor, especially the ones who complain most about lack of time, those who play roles of second or third in importance, actually have more freedom than anyone else active in various artistic professions.
“Just look at the schedule. Take an actor who plays in the mob scenes in, let us say, Tsar Fyodor. He must be ready by 7:30 p.m. He appears in the second scene (the reconciliation of Boris with Shuiski). Then there is an intermission. Do not think that the actor needs to use all of it to change his make-up and costume.
No, indeed! Most of the actors keep the same make-up and change only their outer garments. Let us assume that ten out of the fifteen minutes normally assigned to an intermission is used up.
“Following that is the short scene in the garden, a two minute wait and then the long scene in the Tsar’s chamber. It plays not less than half an hour, therefore if you add that to the intermission you have approximately thirty-five plus ten—forty-five minutes.
“Then come the other scenes which you can calculate for yourselves and arrive at a general sum total.
“That is how the matter stands for our colleagues who play in the mob scenes. There are also a number of actors who play bits or even larger parts which are episodic in character. After his episode is finished the actor is either free for the rest of the evening or he waits for another five minute appearance in the last act and the whole time is loafing around the dressing room and being bored.
“That is the way actors divide their time when engaged in one of the more complicated and large productions, like Tsar Fyodor.
“And now what about the large number of others who are not playing on this particular evening? They are free and they spend their time appearing in pot boiler performances. Let us make a note of that.
“So much for the evening occupations. What happens during the daytime at rehearsals? In some theatres, take ours for instance, rehearsals are called for eleven or twelve o’clock. Until then our actors are free. And that is only right for various reasons that are connected with the peculiarities of our lives. An actor’s performance finishes late, he is wrought up and it takes some time for him to calm down sufficiently to go to sleep. At an hour when most people are sound asleep our actor is playing the last and most difficult act of a tragedy. When he comes home he takes advantage of the quiet to concentrate, without being interrupted, on the new part he is preparing.
“So what is surprising about the fact that on the following morning when everyone else is already up and at work our tired actor is sound asleep after his long hours of wear and tear on his nerves?
“He has probably been on a spree—is what many say about us.
“And there are theatres, which pride themselves on keeping their actors on their toes with their iron discipline and model order—so-called. They have rehearsals at 9 a.m. (incidentally after finishing a Shakespearean tragedy at ii p.m. the previous evening).
“Such theatres, which boast of their organization, do not take their actors into consideration and in a way they are quite right. Actors in those theatres can die three times a day with utmost comfort and they can rehearse three different plays every morning.
“‘Tra-la-la. . . . boom, boom. . . .‘ the leading actress trills in a low voice to her partner in a scene, and adds: ‘I cross to the sofa and sit down!’
“To which the leading man replies in half tones: ‘Tra-la-la. .
boom, boom. . . .‘ etc., and then: ‘I cross to sofa, drop on one knee and kiss your hand!’
“It often happens when we are on our way to a rehearsal at noon that we meet an actor from one of those other theatres who is strolling around after a whole morning of rehearsals.
“‘Where are you off to?’ he asks. ‘To rehearsal.’ ‘What? At noon! At such a late hour!’ he exclaims not without irony and venom and obviously thinking to himself: ‘What a sleepyhead and shiftless creature!’, and then he says aloud: ‘What a way to run a theatre! Why, I have already finished my rehearsal. We ran through a whole play! We begin work at nine a.m.!’ This last is said with a touch of boastfulness by the mechanic-artist who measures with condescending eye our belated actor.
“But I have said enough. I already know in that instance what so-called ‘art’ is in question in those theatres.
“And now here is my problem: there are many managers in good theatres who are seriously trying to achieve a degree of genuine artistry who really believe that the so-called iron discipline and order of the mechanical actors is right and even ideal. How can such people, who judge the product and conditions of work of a real artist according to standards established by book-keepers, cashiers, and accountants, be put in charge of the direction of artistic accomplishment or even understand how it is to be carried on, how much nervous energy, life, and the highest spiritual outbursts are laid on the altar of their beloved art by true actors who ‘sleep until noon and are the cause of endless disorder in the schedules set up by the repertory office!’
“How can we get away from such managers with petty tradesman or bank clerk mentalities? Where are we to find people who understand and, above all, who sense what the main object of true artists is and how to deal with them?
“Meanwhile I am putting more and more pressure on these already over-burdened real artists, regardless of whether they are playing long or short parts: I am asking that they take their last remaining free time—the intermissions and the waits between their entrances and the hours between rehearsals—to work on their technique.
“For such work, as I proved to you by figures, there is plenty of time.”
“But you want to exhaust the poor actor, and take away his last breathing spell !“
“No, indeed, I assert. The most exhausting thing for an actor is to loaf around his dressing room waiting for his next entrance.”
7
“There are many actors and actresses who do not take creative initiative. They do not prepare their roles outside the theatre by letting their imaginations and subconscious play on the character they are to portray. They come to the rehearsal and wait around until they are led along a path of action. After a great effort the regisseur can sometimes succeed in striking sparks in such passive natures. Or these lazy persons may catch fire from watching others take hold, they may follow their lead and become infected with their feelings about the play. After a series of such vicarious sensations, if they have any gift at all, they may be able to arouse their own feelings and acquire a real grasp on their parts in their own right. Only we regisseurs know how much work, inventiveness, patience, nervous strength and time it takes to push such actors of weak creative impulse ahead, away from their dead center. Women, in such cases, are apt to excuse themselves charmingly and coquettishly by saying: How can I help it? I cannot act until I feel my part. As soon as the impulse comes everything will turn out all right. They say this with a touch of pride and boasting as though that procedure were a sure sign of inspiration and genius.
“Need I explain that all such drones, who profit by the work and creativeness of others, are an infinite drag on the accomplishment of the whole group? It is because of them that productions are often delayed for weeks before they can be released. They not only are slow in their own work but the cause of delay in that of others. Indeed the actors playing opposite them have to exert themselves to the utmost in order to overcome their inertia. This in turn produces overacting, ruins their parts especially if they are not any too secure in them anyway. When they do not get the right cues the conscientious actors make violent efforts to stir the initiative of the sluggish actors, thereby impairing the true quality of their own playing. They get themselves into an impossible state and instead of facilitating the performance they clog it up by making it necessary for the regisseur to deflect his attention away from the general to their particular needs. Consequently we see not only the one passive actress contributing exaggerated, false acting to the rehearsal instead of lifelike, true emotions, but also the men who are playing opposite her as well. It takes no more than two actors straying down the wrong path to deflect a third or even a fourth. In the end one actor can derail a whole performance that was running smoothly and send it tumbling down hill. Poor régisseur! Poor actors!
“You may say that it would have been better to dismiss those actors with undeveloped creative initiative and corresponding technique, but it is unfortunately true that among them there are a great many with talent. Less gifted actors would not dare to be so passive, whereas the more gifted ones, feeling unimpeded, allow themselves more leeway; they sincerely believe that they are in duty bound and indeed have the right to wait for the favorable wind, the rising tide of inspiration.
“From all of which it should be clear to you that no actor has a right to take advantage of the work of others during a rehearsal. He must provide his own living emotions with which to bring his own part to life. If every actor in a production would do that he would be helping not only himself but the work of the whole cast. If on the contrary each actor is going to depend on the others there will be a complete lack of initiative. The regisseur cannot do the work of everyone. An actor is not a puppet.
“So you see every actor is obliged to develop his own creative will and technique. He, along with all the others, is bound to do his own productive share of work at home and at rehearsal, always playing his part in the fullest tones of which he is capable.”
8
“The problem for our art and consequently for our theatre is— to create an inner life for a play and its characters, to express in physical and dramatic terms the fundamental core, the idea which impelled the writer, the poet, to produce his composition.
“Every worker in the theatre from the doorman, the ticket taker, the hat-check girl, the usher, all the people the public comes into contact with as they enter the theatre on up to the managers, the staff, and finally the actors themselves—they all are co-creators with the playwright, the composer, for the sake of whose play the audience assembles. They all serve, they all are subject to the fundamental aim of our art. They all, without exception, are participants in the production. Anyone who in any degree obstructs our common effort to carry out our basic aim should be declared an undesirable member of our community. If any of the staff out front greets any member of the audience inhospitably thereby ruining his good humor, he has struck a blow against our general objective and the goal of our art. If it is cold, dirty, untidy in the theatre, if the curtain is late in rising, if the performance drags— then the mood of the public is depressed, they arc not receptive to the main thoughts and feelings offered to them through the joint efforts of the playwright, the regisseur, the company and the actors. They feel they had no cause to come to the play, the performance is spoiled, and the theatre loses its social, artistic and educational significance.
“The playwright, the composer, the cast, all do their share to create the necessary atmosphere on their side of the footlights, and the administrative staff does its part in creating an appropriate mood in the audience and backstage where the actors are getting ready for a performance. The spectator as well as the actor is an active participant in a performance and therefore he too needs to be prepared for his part, he must be put in the proper mood in order to be receptive to the impressions and thoughts the playwright wishes to impart to him.
“This absolute dependence of all the workers in the theatre on the ultimate aim of our art remains in force not only during performances but also during rehearsals and even at other hours of the day and night. If for any reason a rehearsal is unproductive those who obstructed the work were undermining our general purpose. Artists can operate successfully only under certain necessary conditions. Anyone who upsets those conditions is being disloyal to his art and to the society of which he is a part. A bad rehearsal does harm to a part and a distorted part prevents an actor from conveying the thoughts of the playwright, in other words from accomplishing his main job.”

Is My Girl Playin Me?

my girlfriend and i been dating for goin on 3 months, she just got out of a off and on 4 year relationship with her ex, he use to like punch her and treat her bad, etc….so we fell in love and she started dating me 2 weeks after her and her ex were finally done and her ex made her choose, between me and him and she chose me, i always ask her though are you ready you just got out of a 4 yr relationship, i hope your ex didnt take everything out of you cuz she said she wud give me her all, but i feel y wouldnt she want time to her self, thats a long time to date someone, they lived together and everything, but now shes pregnant by me and we are supposed to live together in december after i finish college and she wants to be with me forever she says, but i dont wanna get hurt, with her ex she broke up with him again in feb dated another guy admitted to him he was a rebound went back to her ex broke up w him in may then started dating me in june, with her ex they had a miscarriage and she said she never cheated ever in her life but when she was 16 she use to be a little hoochie but she grew out of that stage………now she told me she will always tell me everything, even if it hurts my feelings cause she tells it straight up like it is…..im one 2 worry alot and very insecure but lately she been making me feel this is rly going to work out…my mom rented us a hotel room last night at a casino and i woke up this morning decided to look at her calls when she was in the bahtroom and i noticed her ex called her 3 nights ago at 3:52 am…they talked for 25:00 minutes exactly….i told her if u didnt care bout him u should of hung up the phone immediately when you found out it was him, but she talked for 25 minutes so there must be something going on….when she falls asleep normally around 11am if i text her within a half hour she doesnt anwer my txt or sometimes ill call her and she wont answer cuz she says she cant hear the phone cuase shes so out of it sleeping but she just fell asleep she would be more amp to answer versus if i texted her 4 hours after she was sleeping but coincidentially she answered for her ex…she didnt no the number cuz she had him out of her phone but she never wakes up she said she just answered but she never told me they talked and she always tells me everything….now i cant trust her with that…she cud of hung up the phone that makes me curious….i asked her who it was and she said she didnt know she said she doesnt even remember talking, thats the first time they talked in like 2 months..but when i called the number his voicemail came up and she said well i forgot to tell you, i said thats a big deal but u forget to tell me….she always said she hated her ex, and wud never talk to him…i asked her what they talked about and she said how he said his family is having alot of trouble….and how how he use to cheat on her….she told him to stay away from his family and she thinks its better if they are apart…but shouldnt she know that? doesnt that mean she been thinking about him? idk i always get hurt ad played cuase im a nice respectful boyftriend…..do you think i was on the rebound and idk i need opinions and thoughts!!! she has been acting different the past few days but she told me after i confronted her how she loves me and she is gonna be with me forever and she wud never go back to him…and dontt ell my parents they will hate her…and it isnt like they talk it was one time….well why didnt she tell me….why did she talk so long…and why if he beat her up n treated her like **** wud she answer!!!! is she feeding me lines….!!!????